Wow! On saturday the 16th March 8:40 to be exact, Nthabiseng and I arrived at the FNB Conference in Sandton. We were excited and nervous about the JC Love Conferece, we went into the Auditoruim room, took pictures, chose the ‘best’ seating spot and went on outside to register and have tea. Whilst we were having tea, my shero, the delictable, fearless and humble Miss Boyana walked in. Friendly and full of smile she greeted the ladies, took pictures when requested and then went about with preparations to start the conference. Gosh I was in awe, this woman is making history, and doing about it in the most graceful manner. After we had tea we were told to make our way inside the auditoruim for the start of the conference! Lelo introduced herself, told us why where were there and how the idea of the conference came about. She introduced her panel, Modimo batho ba batle kantle ka mo shem!! *side eyes my baby Sfiso* and each stood to tell us a little about themselves and their role in the panel and the really awesome thing was that WE also got a chance to introduce ourselves and share little bit about ourselves!
This was such a necessary experince for me, I needed the lessons shared in the conference,I needed validation that I’m not crazy nor cursed because I struggle with relationships. I have read most books about relationships, tried everything to make relationships work. I have been advised to try different sex positions, I have been advised not to withhold sex, I’ve even tried a Ben 10 and a Ben 5, I’ve tried to be ‘submissive’ hell I’ve even been advised to lower my standards but alas nothing seemed to work. The Love conference was not a man bashing session, it was not a pity party, I found it to be an incredibly empowering session. The panel took our questions seriously and I personaly felt that no one was there to judge and redicule us, except for a few twitter fools, anywho this is not about them. Back to the Love conference, I dont think I can put in words what this conference did for me, all I know is it has changed my view on many things. Ke hore I see things in a difference perpective. I see the light at last.
My biggest issue with men has to be this ‘submissiveness’ thing, I remember the last very meaningful relationship I had, I was told that I’m not submissive, that I’m in my quest for the ever illusive independence I had forgotten my role as a woman in the relationship and ex-boo felt imasculated. Dude told me that we should take a break. In retaliation I went and became I hardcore feminist,even followed twitter account @femistSA until they sent out a petition to have Lelos boyfriends (Chris Breezy) concert cancelled in South Africa…(Ok thats a story for another day)! But I went and told myself that like him, the end of our relationship does not mean the end of sex, and I partied hard, and try to show the world (read him) that I can do without him and most importantly I can do without men. I went and bought a car better than his *giggles* and even got a job better than his. In the meantime I gave him more reasons why we were not good together, eventually I got it in my head that he doesnt want me.I did not make peace with it immediately though, I became bitter and miserable, I resented him. While I tried to fool everyone about how happy I was to be finally ‘free’ from him, Gosh I was breaking apart inside I remember calling him asking if we could talk; (cause a self help book had told me that I needed closure;) BIG MISTAKE he told me that he was getting married!! and in consolation I had hoped she was dumb and ugly and wished he’d be so miserable that he would come begging for LB (loveback) *heheheh* I had let potentially great relationship end because I was on warpath. Shem I was just a wounded soldier in the love battle field.
Back to the love confere; I learned that I’d been angry and bitter for a long time and the all the negativity I was wishing upon him came to me. I have now matured and accepted the situatution and mostly importantly the appreciation that I’m good enough to be loved wholeheartedly and to love my self most. I have a better understanding about what it takes to make a relationship work. Thami Dish shared something that I’ve always known but thought that it does not apply to me; managing your expectations. I’ve learn that for me to be treated how I want to be treated I need to communicate my needs in the right way, I’ve learned to appreciate and understand myself so that I can communicate that to my future partner, *hi Sfiso*. Jade! Jade! Jade! I love you!!! I love what Azania said; ‘that we all need to a$$hole in our lives’, so true, I believe we all need that one guy who will show us flames, who’ll take us to heaven and then to hell until we find our way to earth.
Lelo again, thank you. Thanks to your panel, thanks to Azania, and a special thank you to all the ladies that came and shared their stories, sorry to say this but i took a little comfort in knowing that drop dead georgous women such as yourselves have love issues as well.